A beautiful day....

God never ceases to amaze me, here I am sitting at my computer early in the morning on the 6th Anniversary of Willie getting his wings...and 'flying to Heaven.'. You could say I feel overwhelmed by The Lord's attention to timing. For 6 years I have promised Rheanna I would tell his powerful and inspirational story.

When my friend suggested I 'blogged' it in January this year, I thought I would give that a try..maybe it would help my focus, one small bit at a time.Without a doubt I believe Jesus, through His Holy Spirit has been writing this with me. I have found regular slots to be able to enjoy sharing this journey with so many following it. You have spurred me on with your kind comments, and encouragement.

I sincerely apologise for any or should I say many..lapses in memory that mean I may have missed strategic and important people out, I promise you it was not deliberate..I am hoping that this will be edited into book form so I can hand it to people who I feel led to share this beautiful story with. hopefully Zoe will remind me of anything I've missed out.

Tomorrow I fly to the States for my Godsons' wedding...and felt, as it was getting close to the end of the blog I would like to finish it before I left. It dawned on me last Friday that if I did the last post today..it would fall on Willies anniversary. Incredible...God's timing IS overwhelmingly unbelievable. I have tried to write this over the weekend, to publish it today..but for the first time I experienced writers block...it didn't flow..I had to wait until the time was right..with Jesus..

So here I am 6 years after Willie obtained the long awaited wings...in the very same room he flew from..'the departure lounge' at 7am ...who would have thought it?


It feels the right time to finish the blog....After this, there will be one more special post on the anniversary of his earthly birthday 18th June written by a very special guest.

There is no precedent for what to do when someone is dying...It was not my first experience, as I had been with my dear friend Andy, and then my mum just a few months before. Both of those times had been a true Blessing and so I was not afraid as I trusted that Jesus would be with us all , gently leading Willie to Heaven, whispering his name and holding out His hand when the moment arrived. In 'Willie terms' - Jesus finally giving him the wings he had so long desired.

Zoe's dear dad had passed away in February earlier that year, and she had been Blessed to be with him at the time. So together we were comfortable, grateful to God for His provision. Zoe months before had feared how it would be at the end..her biggest dread would have been in a hospital bed, surrounded by relative strangers. We treasured the tranquillity and privacy this room afforded us to walk those final steps on earth with her beloved son.

After the traumatic hour the day before..(Thank God he did not depart then.) this was a vast contrast...Zoe laid down on the bed next to the sleeping cherub...stroking his arm gently..giving assurance that she was there..as she had promised all those months before when he had asked if he could hold onto her when he was dying...

I faffed a bit, in and out, wondering if Willie would choose to be just with his mum or with both of us by his side. Mostly I was lying on the other side, holding his other hand. Journeying together ..peaceful..trusting.

Zoe and I chatted as if he was still 'in the conversation'..we giggled at his antics over the years..his mild threats of sticking peoples heads in rather unusual places if he didn't like something...his bravery when they took out 30 odd stitches without him flinching..the hours on a swing..lighting candles in the church...adventures with his big sister Rheanna..about how he would be running in Heaven, over vast
green hills..shouting 'Look at this - look at that'...looking forward to an eternity of love without pain or blemish..in a perfect body...hugging nanny on arrival as she had promised she would be waiting for him..
I was encouraging him to go, but I know Zoe couldn't - she didn't want to lose him..the thought was too painful....a mothers' true nightmare about to be realised...

None of us know what Heaven is truly like, I only had a small taste seven days before when I felt the presence of angels, but the details are not  important ...it is enough to trust God that it will be good..very good..perfect. We knew without any doubt that this small boy two weeks before his 8th birthday trusted more than anyone else..he was excited..he couldn't wait to get there..

Zoe was the best a mother could be, setting aside her own indescribable grief right up until his body was cremated..being all Willie needed her to be, strength beyond human comprehension..unselfish to his last breath and beyond.

The hours ticked by, his breathing paced further apart..I found myself timing the gaps in between like
contractions...It dawned on me how we 'labour' to come into this world and 'labour' to leave it...but everyone's labour is unique to them..some instant, some slow and uncomfortable..some steady without complications..Praise God, Willie's was peaceful without complications. With each breath , even though we were talking, we held our own..anticipating...when he breathed again..we exchanged 'the look', I have no idea how to describe 'the look', but we knew and understood..it was an unspoken love language..he was still with us..

We were laughing heartily when he 'chose' his moment to leave us...there was a distinct moment when our own hearts stopped beating, we held our breath..something was different..there was silence..our mouths open..looking questionably at each other...the Peace that passes all understanding..uniting us...

Itwas in the shower the next morning, after a good nights sleep I questioned why we were laughing as he left..God spoke to me styraight away..Zoe wouldn't have made it through otherwise..also i truly believe Willie waited until the moment he knew his mum would be strong enough to let him go.

Surreal...

People often ask "Where were you, when you heard Elvis had died"...I am sure nearly all who knew Willie can remember exactly where they were and what they were doing.

To have travelled so far with this bright button and to have been anywhere else but by his side when he was granted his wings is too unbearable to think about. I am sooo grateful to The Lord for not taking him without warning...and infinitely grateful to Zoe for allowing me to share this most precious and intimate time with her and Willie...

How does a mothers love incorporate, loving her child through the process of dying. This is not normal. We labour with excited anticipation of giving birth to our children. Where does it prepare you in 'practical parenting' to help your child leave this world..after only a few short years on earth...before you? This is not how it should be. But Zoe had spent the last five years getting accustomed to 'not as it should be'....and yet nothing could prepare her for this, no precedent, no rule book, no ten step guide to the best way forward...just your mothers love, a double bed and a crazy friend that had not slept much in 3 days...

It was probably nothing like we or you would have imagined...it was truly beautiful.

Zoe was in no rush to call anyone..we stayed with him...quietly absorbing the reality of what just happened...David came round as soon as we phoned him..he had requested for us to call if anything changed..but there had been no specific change just a few more seconds in between each laboured breath..so we had not known it was imminent.....the nurses had said it could still be days.

The morning came..it was time to break the news to Rheanna and to so many others waiting...wondering..

I imagined Willie in Heaven..I felt joyful thinking of  his face beaming...he had finally arrived.

Zoe did not want Willie to be taken away in the back of an undertakers van, alone...so he stayed looking like a sleeping angel on the bed...people came all day long to say goodbye...As in life Willie had never been alone in a room, so in death Zoe could not bring herself to walk away unless someone was with him. We spent the day talking to him as if he was still with us. I cannot begin to explain how natural it all felt..God's Grace evidently pouring through our ceiling as always..

The day was quite something...no eeriness, no fear ....he looked like the sleeping angel he had become...a stream of relatives and friends..his dad and grandma were besides themselves with grief, as were many passing through. Rheanna was amazingly accepting..she to was happy for her little brother..she knew how much he had wanted to go..The Lord had prepared her well.She was sad, sad that these wonderful nine weeks of incredible adventure and fun had come to an end..it had been an amazing time all of us together under one roof...sad she would not be able to hug her brother and play with him anymore..

God's Grace was more than sufficient for Zoe, Rheanna and I. So many prayers had been sent up for
us all. The power of prayer is beyond human comprehension at times such as these. It's as if the whole generating station was lighting a few light bulbs and we were the light bulbs. Amazing. Zoe was so calm...a mothers love is so phenomenal that she put her sons heartfelt desire way above her own grief...she held onto that deep heart wrenching uncontrollable grief until she had seen Willie through to the point of cremation. Only then when her 'job' for her son was complete did she allow her grief to erupt. Strong, calm, all that her baby boy needed her to be...for as long as his body remained in her care.

The Naomi house nurses came over to talk about moving him to the 'butterfly room'. Naomi children's hospice have a facility called 'the butterfly room' - a refrigerated bedroom that keeps the body at the right temperature. It has a proper bed, chest of drawers etc and a carer assigned to the room 24/7. They treat the child as if they are still with us, reading to them, watching over them, never far away. What a provision...it allows the parents to slowly get used to leaving their child. There is a bedroom upstairs the parents stay in...and they encourage and co-erce them gently away day by day..increasing the time - preparing for the final goodbye at the funeral. Two nurses came to talk yo us..Amy remembers the hug she got from one of them, and felt such compassion that it confirmed to Amy that she really did want to become a nurse...which she is now at Great Ormond Street handing out hugs when required herself.

At the hospice they have counsellors on hand, a lovely lady comes and takes handprints and footprints to make moulds to be turned into bronze to be kept forever. And beautifully preserved blond curls for us all to keep.  They advise on funeral arrangements and even print the order of service free of charge. God's provision again...what a huge difference this made to Zoe, David and Rheanna. How tranquil... Not the usual drawer in a mortuary, with instant separation but a humane gesture of pure love and compassion. Amen to that.

Because Zoe didn't want Willie to go alone in the back of a van...we had no other option than to take
him to Naomi house ourselves...in the car. I called the only person I could think of that would be crazy enough to help..Annie Poppins..

It was a legal requirement to notify the police that we would be transporting a dead body through their county...so that was Berkshire and Hampshire.

Zoe had gone home to pack some bits for her stay at the hospice, with me promising I would ensure
Willie was not left alone for a minute. I felt a bit strange about lying next to him so I curled up on the armchair at the end of the bed and tried to get some much needed sleep. The doorbell rang.

I saw the policemen standing outside through the window, so I jumped up to let them in. Two young officers wanted to ask some questions. I said of course, would they like a cup of tea and some flapjack (Decima's famous flapjack of course!) - yes please they answered. Ouch , now I had a dilemma...to go to the kitchen to make them tea would mean leaving Willie alone. I had spent 5 years
building up the trust in Zoe, I could not risk losing it at the last post.

I tried as best I could in a rambled delirious way as you do when sleep depraved for a few days...they agreed to stay with Willie whilst I got the tea. I introduced them to him, made a joke 'with Willie' about only he could get the police to come and say goodbye..yes I was very tired...I think they were looking for the 'candid camera' on the wall.

Apparently we discovered later, one of them had nipped outside to call Naomi house and ask if they were certain he had died..as he looked like he was asleep and I (crazy lady) was still talking to him. The reason it transpired they called round was because his death was not certified on the central computer..When the doctor came to certify his death...for some reason they had overlooked putting it on the computer on their return to the surgery....so they called Dr Barrie out from home to bring the doctors certificate required, which she did Bless her.

The police eventually left mildly happy that all was in order (they may still be in therapy). We finally had permission to move Willie to his new bedroom.

The days that followed were truly Blessed..his celebration of life was incredible testimony to a life well lived...a life full of fun and laughter inspite of the pain..guest speakers including a teacher giving us a top class impression of him...giving us a joyful send off..we changed the words to one of his favourite songs..seasons in the sun..which he would have found very funny..the resident baptist minister who let Glendale Church take over his church building for the day..was far less amused when he saw the order of service..he had cross words with me before it began...he had never met Willie..After the awesome service full of overwhelming love and hope - so many stories retold..he understood why the word 'poo' had to be sung...he apologised..

His main concern was the fact that there would be newspaper reporters present as word had got out that Willie was coming in a very different mode of transport than a hearse.' Ryan the builder' had kept his promise that Willie would have a ride in his van..only he wasn't sitting up front..but in the back - in a beautiful willow basket..amidst his favourite tools. God's provision as always the very best...more than we can ever imagine.

Rheanna, grandma..spoke eloquently and even Zoe went to the front to pay tribute to this very special young man..as you can imagine..it was not easy, and our dear friend Annie Poppins stepped in to finish what this amazing mum had started...at the end of the service, after the video of him waving goodbye from the kawasaki 500 to the final record..'Ground control to Major Tom'...there was silence..nobody moved..hundreds of people packed in to the church....but nobody wanted to move..it had been perfect..a true testimony to a short life well lived ..so much so that Zoe turned to me and said "can we do that all over again.."

'Amazing Grace...How sweet the sound.'...

If you recall I often wondered why a God had placed a young boy with a serious 'terminal illness' in a family that had a single disabled mum, a hard working (often abroad) dad and a bubbly vivacious older sister. People have likened our lives to a Tapestry - where here on earth we only get to see the underside - knots and all. When we get to Heaven then Jesus shows us the upper side of the tapestry it shows how your life was indeed a complete and wonderous picture.

How humbled were we when God chose to share that 'upper side' with us on the day Willie died...one of the social workers had delivered a letter in the morning as soon as she heard the news. Unbeknown to us she had been bereaved a few years before and in her letter she wrote...something like this...

...you thought I was there to care for Willie, when in fact he was there to care for me...because Willie was blind I started to see the world again - as I described it to him, I learnt to stop and listen to the world instead of letting it pass me by.....because I had to answer his 'imaginary phone' I learnt to use my imagination and have fun again....

It became very clear, if Willie had been with the average 2.4 family, with two very capable and independent parents...Willie would have not touched anywhere near the amount of people he was destined to meet...and he did make a difference to the lives of the many hundred that he met.. in all sorts of ways..this young man made more of an impact in his seven years, 11 and a half months...than most people do in their 3 score years and ten....

Amen to that...he changed my life profoundly...I know he may have changed yours to - if you  had the privilege to have met him, if only for a brief few minutes...maybe he just has.. if you have been encouraged by reading his story.



Thank you Lord Jesus for writing this epic journey with me, may you be with those reading it, forgive me for any errors through a failing memory, but hopefully I have shared what you wanted me to share..thank you Lord for Willie. Amen.


And finally...


Dearest Willie,

I will never know why God chose me to be your best buddy, but I am so grateful that he did. I am relieved to have finally given the world who never met you..the essence of who you were and what you taught us..your story can now be shared as it should be - not to be forgotten - but to continue to inspire people for many years to come...I promised Rheanna I would write this one day...it only took me 6 years to get round to it..I do hope it has Blessed all those who have read it..as it has Blessed me writing it, and remembering what an incredible time we shared. Five years..all but 2 days...Awesome Willie, Awesome..

I love you and miss you so much little buddy..

'Happy Heavenly birthday'

Keep having fun my angel,

Love always..Miffy xxx...