Did I mention God?

The following morning I walked downstairs with trepidation...to find Willie and Zoe sleeping soundly. I pondered on what happened in the night and sensed a deep peace. Knowing what Willie was looking forward to, I prayed he wouldn't have to wait too long. I knew in my heart and soul that what I had experienced was only a tiny fraction of what was in store for this gentle warrior.

It was early in the morning at half term so the house was quiet. Shortly it would be bustling...God's provision is beyond human expectation. Over the years since becoming a Christian I often declare "I don't believe it!" ...watching God's plans for us unfold can be breathtaking...'wow factor'. When I declare 'I don't believe it' it is because it is truly unbelielavable. I have written a whole book in my head over the years, not just about our answered prayers but those of friends and family around us. The book was to be called (if it ever got transferred from my brain to paper - I feel another blog coming on..Julia - no groaning!) 'I don't believe it - co-incidence or God?'

The idea would be to retell these 'Awesome' stories and let non Christians read it and make their minds up - co-incidence or God-incidence?

Writing Willies journey I wonder how palatable God is to those without faith. As I'm recalling God's hand on this cherub's life I am acutely aware that many that walked with him did not share our deep faith, including many in his own family. I'm praying that as you have read the posts that you will understand that without God in his life, things may have been very different. However I truly think God is in all our lives...and if we opened our hearts to that possibility then we may start seeing His mighty hand upon us. I hope and pray that what you think is a co-incidence you start to recognise as  'God-incidence.'

Did I mention 'Him upstairs' again? That short sermon..(yes sometimes I can't help myself...always wanted to be a vicar) was inspired by my thoughts of that last week. It's not been easy to recall the exact timing of events due to my diminishing brain cells. I will try to convey the essence of those last 7 days as best as my memory lets me and with the sensitivity it deserves.

A few weeks before we had agreed to look after my niece Katie and nephew Matthew - 7 and 12 years old for my brother and sister in law to enjoy their first child free holiday in many years. My older sister was coming to stay with 2 out of her 6 children for Half term. Hannah was only 5 and Matt was 10, (her others much older and independent.)

So humanly speaking this could have been a disaster waiting to happen. 5 extra people to add into the mix of us six along with, Zoe Rheanna and Willie. 14 plus a menagerie of visitors including daily visits from Willies' dad, grandparents, aunties and uncles,social workers, doctors, nurses, care workers, teaching assistants, friends, and of course our resident angel, Amy.

I thank God that years before Jesus had led us to this house, a bargain bucket house on the main road.. which resembles the Tardis. I'm not sure that even I would have thought that having that much 'traffic' through half term would be the most innovative solution under the sad circumstances. As always God knew best.In Jeremiah 29 verse 11.'.for I know the plans I have for you 'declares The Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you..

This is how it panned out....

My amazing sister took on the role of 'head housekeeper' freeing me up to be available on demand in Willie's room. My firm belief  in - if you 'dilute' children they are better behaved....was a trump card...half term activities taken care of as Rheanna, Hannah and Katie played girlie stuff, whilst the several younger boys (all 5) ganged up for boys favourite pastimes...that only boys understand. I did catch them making videos with puppets and toilet rolls....like I said boys stuff!

So all children were entertained 'In House' with the occasional park run, or feeding of the ducks. But the most beautiful and poignant element to 'the old woman who lived in a shoe' scenerio was the natural desire of all these youngsters to visit Willie.

Hannah aged 5 took in her Barbie dolls to show him, letting him feel them and gently playing with them. Hannah has a beautiful heart and soon after her arrival was often found sitting close to him, keeping him company. The day he got his wings, and Hannah heard the news she rushed back into the room to be with him, taking her Barbies with her to keep him company whilst things were sorted out. At five years old you may think we should have protected her from this, but children can be far less afraid and far more accepting of death than we are as grown ups. Hannah had quickly formed a desire to 'help' as soon as she arrived. All my relatives live far away so although they had met Willie over the years, they were initially not that close. The evidence of God's love through these youngsters was incredible.

Katie at 7 years was often found by his bedside. Her cute northern accent endeared her to Willie, as she read Dr Dog, his favourite book over and again. By now Willie was off the 'swamp juice' and onto tube feeding by the stomach. He was getting incredibly weak and slept for many hours on and off. However in true Willie fashion - his smile and his infectious giggles remained until the weekend. We have a lovely video of him resting on the bed, leaning on Zoe's lap, serenely listening to Katie reading his favourite story,' Crispin the pig' had taken second place to Dr Dog by this time..more relevant. His smiles said it all, with the occasional giggle.

I still believe that some of those smiles were for our benefit, to ease us towards the finish post. This young boy had the wisdom of 'Solomon' I'm sure. He still did not call out in pain, he never complained or appeared frustrated. He trusted in that last week, i believe, that his wings would be on their way. I never did ask him if he had felt 'the angels' on that Monday night, but he probably did, and was content to wait and try to keep us moderately happy at the same time.

Rheanna, the two Matthews, Andrew and Josh came and went....Simon and Tom occasionally popping in..Simon strumming the guitar and singing his 'wee and pooh' song he had written for his music GCSE - as I said 'boys'! Willie had been so excited when Simon returned as he adored him, and loved listening to any guitar music Simon had on offer. Simon was excellent at 'homing' in to Willies sense of humour and played to it frequently. Simon currently works with young people in assisted housing.Ii think he owes his training for that position to this young man.

So you see, God provided a replacement chef and chief childminder in the form of my lovely sister Debbie. I think she would have refused to come if she had known before, what was in store..as the thought of it would have been too daunting, but as always with Gods amazing Grace and provision..she rose to the challenge perfectly. Thank you Debs.

Willie was provided with 'in house' entertainment with a variety of voices and personalities, but all of them with a heart and a deep understanding of his needs. Thank you to all of you, now grown up and possibly cannot remember much about that week.

Willie also had a flow of his own visitors which he enjoyed, getting lots of hugs and kisses...from dad and Grandma....and many others.

But the biggest 'I don't believe it' has to be how The Lord protects my husband Pete. Pete is an incredibly patient and loving man. He coped admirably with our visitors after he had gotten over the shock of me moving them in - whilst he was in Prague on a hockey tour. He never once complained or appeared grumpy, in spite of having infinite visitors coming and going. His best line of defence was sitting quietly in the lounge...and it seemed everyone respected 'his space', and it worked.

So as God's timing is always perfect (even if we can't always see that from a human perspective) Pete left on the Friday night for his annual hockey tournament in Bath. Perfect. This freed me up completely to stay with Willie and Zoe literally 24/7. By the weekend Willie's breathing was becoming more laboured, he had stopped talking, and was only able to smile on the odd occasion. The most comfortable position was for him to sit upright to help him breathe, so we sat together on the armchair, sleeping on and off through the weekend. I had respite to shower and go to the toilet, eat and have the odd cup of tea. But mostly I had the enviable job of cuddling this awesome angel for nearly every hour whilst his 'wings' were being prepared.

So many people came and went, I had to stretch my head away as they wanted to bend down and kiss those perfect cheeks. I felt so sad for Zoe that she could not hold him on her lap, but she sat on the end of the bed stroking his legs and feet, letting him know 'mummy' was there. I confess we did have moments of outrageous giggles, as the visitors leant between me and Willie, as it got quite intimate at times..sadly for them I was in the way..but did not want to keep disturbing this little one as he was seemingly comfortable.

 God enables me to deal with situations with humour. I caught Zoe's eye on a couple of occasions and it started me giggling..you know the moment of 'This is so serious whatever you do don't laugh moment'..so all you can do evidently IS laugh. I do this silently but with vast movements of uncontrollable shaking..poor Willie he was then jumping up and down on my lap and the poor visitor wondering what was going on. For all those who remotely think I'm a nice person..the truth is now out! Actually as Willie loved laughing so much - it may have been therapeutic for him...perhaps?

Apparently as the body 'shuts down'..the hearing and smell..are the last to go, so Zoe had laid down strict rules not to bring any food 'smells' in or to mention food or drink..to be fair to Willie. I cannot remember who broke the rule on the Sunday morning but someone came in cheerfully asking "who would like a cup of tea". Our mouths dropped open when this little finger rose slowly into the air...his famous 'a cup of tea - right up to there - with a big blob of honey" rang silently in the room. Tears rolled down our cheeks, evidence he was still with us, he could still hear and understand every word.

This was precious, knowing he could hear our words of assurance and love, but heartbreaking that he could not communicate or have a cup of tea :( We tried to set up a code of squeezing hands for yes and no, but Willie seemed content in his silent world. He knew he was in the 'departure lounge' and he wouldn't be waiting too much longer.

On the Saturday night David came round to spend time with his family. The most precious moments captured on film were David, Zoe and Rheanna sitting on the couch with Willie lying across them all. Cuddled together, united in love and grief...watching 'Britains Got Talent'...we thought Willie would enjoy any singing, which he seemed to, Bless him. It was a very important few hours for Willie and Rheanna, their family as one, waiting together, bonded in pure love. Awesome.

David went home and I took over the cuddling....Sunday was a day like no other...

It was evident by Willie's laboured breathing that his time was getting closer. We notified all the family who gathered around to say their goodbyes. Amy was there to.. helping change nappies and giving her support. I have no idea what was going on in the rest of the house. Incredibly life continued fairly normally, and we remained undisturbed by everyday activities and numerous children. It was quiet in the room. All you could hear was Willies deep slow breaths, I found myself counting the gaps in between as if I was counting minutes between contractions. It dawned on me how we 'labour' into this world...and many 'labour' into the next...

I had telephoned church to ask for prayer, that Jesus would come quickly and take Willie gently by the hand. After church Micah the young man who helped with the furniture removals popped by to pray for Willie, and so did Jason 'hero Kawasaki man'. It was touching and moving watching them pray with such emotion.

 There was a surreal peace within Willie, but as the morning went on he became more agitated...then without warning a small trickle of blood came from his mouth. Panic was an understatement and what followed in the next hour was possibly the worst moments of the whole journey. Indescribable agony for Zoe, who wanted to hold her son. We placed him gently on her lap, her overcoming her own physical pain in a desperation to hold her baby boy. Everyone crowded round, David, grandma, grandpa, uncles, Amy, me, Rheanna..waiting expectantly...on the films when this happened it was a sign of the end...but an hour later we realised this wasn't so in Willies case.

Zoe just wanted everyone to leave her with her son...and I do not think there is a mother on this earth that wouldn't relate to that. A time when you can be there for him in the peace and quiet, waiting 'as one'.

Not knowing what to do with Rheanna as it was getting so intense, but not wanting to exclude her either, we ended up hiding behind the curtain eating chocolate...I know...but what is appropriate behaviourat such times...there is no precedent...with an 11 year old..(we had prayed first!)

Slowly all calmed down...the visitors went out into the garden leaving Zoe in peace. Understandably she was shaken to the core. Gradually she calmed down, and felt better when the nurses arrived that we had called when it happened. Everyone including his doctor - was 'prepped' and we were all aware of the inevitable outcome, so there was no place for '999', the last thing we wanted was for Willie to be whisked away covered in life support machines, when he himself had declared openly he wanted to leave this body on earth and 'fly' to Heaven.

The nurses were reassuring and administered pain killers to Willie through his tube to make him more comfortable. They said it could still be days. After a few hours the emotionally charged relatives and friends headed home, to get some rest. They had all had time individually with Willie to say their heartfelt goodbyes...just in case he left before they returned the next day. David wept as he kissed his small frail son goodbye.

Rheanna gave her brother a gentle hug and a kiss, telling him how much she loved him and went to bed. I sat with her a while, we prayed together and then she fell asleep quickly, exhausted from the events of the day, but now peaceful,  Thank God.

Pete had returned from Bath and pretty much went straight to bed, relieved he had missed the drama and emotional roller coaster of the long day. Not because he is heartless but uncomfortable as most people would be in such sad circumstances...what words are there for family and friends? What do you talk about, what can you do? I find it remarkable that The Lord knows Pete so very well. He moved him out for the weekend so we could move them in, and it seems that God ensures Pete's away when the poignant time arrives..he also did this for Pete when my mum left us..then it was an annual exhibition for work that he had gone away to! God must know there are some things Pete is better off not being there for so I can give my all and not worry about him to.

All the remaining people had retired for the night. My sister had done a sterling job keeping the visitors topped up with tea and sandwiches. Bless her she was exhausted from a long week, but continued to play the part so well that  God had appointed her to. He had equipped her well with energy, foresight and compassion.

That left me, Zoe and Willie...the three musketeers...Zoe wanting to remain close to Willie had asked the nurses to make him comfortable on the bed - so they propped him up on a couple of pillows, to help with his breathing - now a long and minute and a half in between each one. This was the third night without sleep...our adrenalin keeping us going...prayers going up for us all, God with us, Jesus with us, The Holy Spirit hovering over us and within us...Zoe lying beside her son...and i lying on the other side...we
Knew in our hearts his wings would be arriving soon..very soon..Praise God x