Gods plans...

Following on from mums amazing exit, I reassured Zoe that The Lord would undertake when Willies time came. I had complete faith that God had an awesome plan for Willie...not only was I not disappointed but 'overwhelmed' would be a mighty understatement. I have sadly witnessed a few people that I love on their final journeys and I realise the plans are intricately matched to their situations - I have been blown away so many times at the incredible way The Lord walks hand in hand with the beautiful soul waiting to join Him in eternity. it's Good Friday and a stark reminder to me that Jesus himself did not have a nice passing into Eternity but a horrific death on a cross - to save us from our sins, in our place. I know some people have not experienced these amazing journeys and I cannot answer the mystery of how, why or when. I did feel  the Lord was constantly preparing us for what lay ahead.

Willie was still only the size of a four year old so could be easily carried around, but sadly as you know, not by Zoe, his mum. She was therefore petrified as he got weaker, that she would be unable to care for him 24/7 even with the au pairs help. I constantly reassured her and reminded her of how God's plans for mum worked out and even though I had no idea how God was going to sort this one...I knew with all my heart he would do.

 I love the way God works. I was praying in faith and I was grateful that He did not enlighten me as to what He had in store. If He had, I would have run a million miles in the opposite direction. From experience I know The Lord gives us enough Grace for the moment. If He had given me a preview before I was filled with sufficient Grace I would have been afraid...very afraid. Praise God that we have no idea what's coming - Thank you God that we can trust without knowing.

I would have come up with a zillion reasons why His plan would
 a) not work
 b) my husband would leave me
 c) I would have throttled Zoe after 24 hours of her moving in. (Or she would have throttled me...we are so        very different. I definitely snore louder.)

 But as you know He said "my ways are not your ways." And Thank you God that they are not, what boring lives we would lead, as we tried to devise 'sensible plans'.

Zoe naturally continued to worry as Willie got more tired. He was asking more and more "When will Jesus give me my wings so I can fly to Heaven". This question was his most common one, I have no idea where he got the notion from that he needed wings to fly to Heaven, but who was I to correct him. It was a poignant way of letting us know he was ready to move on. As he had told Julia his Teaching assistant earlier - "I'm ready to go to Heaven." As someone without a religious faith Julia was taken aback by such a clear vision from her star pupil. It sent her into uncontrollable sobbing, whilst Willie continued chatting to those around him unperturbed.

I continually reassured Zoe and tried to help her have faith in my faith. I can truly understand how hard it must have been for her - someone saying 'it will be ok, God will provide'..when she wasn't entirely convinced He existed at all. Her thought was their only option would be weeks/ months in a hospital or local hospice, both of which were not an ideal option in Zoe's mind. To imagine watching your son 'fade' away in a hospital bed, with the hustle and bustle of the busy wards, strangers passing by, rules and regulations was too much to bear. I could see Zoe getting more and more depressed as the weeks passed by. The sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, dreading losing a child so young is bad enough, without the added pressure of not being able to care for them adequately yourself.

My husband Pete took off for his annual hockey tour to Prague at the beginning of April 2008. What happened next was quite surreal. I had offered to have Willie overnight so Zoe and Rheanna, then 11, could have some much overdue quality time together. On the Saturday Zoe rang to say Willie was particularly low and not well enough to come for a sleepover. I took Rheanna instead, much to her delight. She loved Zoe but didn't like missing out on a sleepover 'chez The Smiths'.

The following morning I rang Zoe to see if she was up to a Church visit. Willie apparently had got worse during the night, and Zoe was in tears of desperation. I went round to have a chat and see how I could help.
As I walked in Willie shrieked 'Miffy' from the lounge, I went in and bent down so he could hug me with those chubby arms tight around my neck. 'Please take me home with you', he pleaded in a very sad small voice, 'Please Miffy'.

I chatted to Zoe for a few minutes, both of them were so low, so depressed it felt like a dark black cloud looming over the household. I knew I had only one option. I gently put Willie on the settee, turned to Zoe and said "Pack a few things up for a week, I'll be back in an hour".

Zoe was too exhausted to argue. I went straight home, looked into the kitchen/lounge that was converted from our old garage for mum. Could I squeeze in a double bed? it was very narrow. Tom was looking after, Andrew, Rheanna, and Joshua somewhere in the house.  Simon was away for a few months. I had little time so I phoned Micah - a young man from Church who lived locally. Thankfully he hadn't gone to Church that morning. I explained I needed manpower quickly. He grabbed a neighbour on the way, and arrived within 10 minutes.

I was directing anyone willing to carry, push or pull furniture, objet's d'art and bedding in a flurry of mad removals. The lounge/kitchen became a bedsitting room for Willie and Zoe, complete with own kitchen for making of organic dishes and swamp juice (fresh vegetable smoothies that I nicknamed according to appearance). The settee went into our conservatory, the makeshift conservatory furniture dumped in the garden. Rheanna was given a bigger bedroom, next to ours in case she needed me in the night. The boys moved around to accomodate their needs. Thank God we live in a Tardis.

Satisfied with the results and trying very very hard not to think about how I would explain it to Pete - I went to collect our new house guests. I confess to agreeing to one week only as we had visitors due the next weekend so I warned Zoe she may have to move back after a rest. This was the human side of me running scared! The following weekend our guests were happy to sleep on the blow up beds. There was no way Zoe could now cope alone.

I would like to pay tribute to my wonderful and patient husband. I marvel at God's wisdom in seizing the opportunity of husbands absence to move in our new family. However this did leave me with the task of explaining the change in room use on the way back from Bristol airport. Pete had played a lot of hockey and consumed a fair amount of alcohol, I collected him at 1 am so he was also tired. I wasn't sure if he was deliberately not speaking or actually sleeping in the car coming home. After 18 months of my mum staying, several of Simon's friends in need of a place to stay, the odd homeless au pair...and now a family of three indefinitely. Welcome home Pete.

Two days later he still had not commented so I just reeled off all the reasons why there was no other option. Blah blah blah and more blah..disabled mum...dying child...big sister...no where to go...

I left him quietly contemplating as I went off to drive the boys to school, with Rheanna. After ten minutes I got a text saying "I love you, and they are welcome to stay for as long as they want to". Hallelujah, I love the fact God chose me a husband that allowed me to be the person God wanted me to be and to be able to follow my instincts if I felt God saying "do this or do that" knowing I could rely on Pete to understand and go with it no matter how crazy that idea was. Amazing husband.

Within 24 hours both Zoe and Willie had perked up no end. I realised Zoe's anxieties had been rubbing off on Willie, I also believe Willie thought our house was 'The airport to heaven'...which is also possibly why visitors started falling off later in the year. I dare not think of how long and how complicated it could get, there was a need, and we had been given all that we needed to meet that need, including a huge heart for our three lodgers, and an infinite amount of Grace to keep us all sailing along smoothly. All safe together in the Ark..the unknown  journey had really begun.