Chapter 1 

'...and so ever since then I have never looked back' I trailed off as I sensed that familiar overwhelming realization that I had downloaded my testimony in full - without pause or taking a breath. As I looked shamefully at her glazed over eyes and noticed her body language was telling me she had wanted to retreat more than 15 minutes ago ..I smiled sheepishly and excused myself to go and break up the fight between my two sons.

Why oh why God do I do it over and over again.. Since becoming a Christian at 25 in an almost 'road to Damascus conversion' I had endlessly and enthusiastically enlightened any unsuspecting passerby. I had calmed it down over the years and tried to only testify when I felt The Lord prompt me.

Maybe on this occasion I had misheard Him. I truly thought He had wanted me to invite Zoe to our impending Alpha Course. I had started off fairly slow.."your au pair said your partner is away in Germany most of the time and felt it gets a bit lonely for you."

"...The alpha is a non threatening informal course that introduces you to Christianity whilst making friends eating a scrumptious meal (well optimism prevails here) and watching a funny video" - really thought I was selling it well ...Zoe politely declined on the grounds that her 2 year old son screamed incessantly for no apparent reason for hours then stopped as abruptly as he started. For this reason she felt unable to leave him with a sitter. 

Why I then gave her a verbal tirade of what my faith meant to me and how I had became a Christian is a mystery. I'm certain she never asked and by the shocked expression on her face I'm sure she would not be enquiring about anything from me at all in the near future.

I skulked off hoping that no-one else had overheard my enthusiastic 'God is awesome' testimony..wondering why do I allow myself to go off at a tangent - in the playground of all places - at home time - to someone I had only said hi to a couple of times.

Once the word was out I imagine I would be blacklisted among the parents and most would avoid me if I as much as smiled in their direction. I was envious of the new lady vicar who was the same age as me but looked 10 years younger - who everyone expected to do the God talk - I considered buying one of those 'dog collars' or wearing one of Pete, my husbands, shirts back to front. At least then people would not be as shocked with my Jesus outpourings - it would be expected.

I had gotten over it by pretending it wasn't as bad as I had first thought and dismissed it from my brain.

A few weeks later I had a phone call out of the blue...

"Hi it's Zoe with Willie and  Rheanna from st Marks..Astrid my au pair gave me your number. I'm at The Radcliffe infirmary at Oxford - Willies been diagnosed with a brain tumour..and I don't believe there is a God, but I know you do...so if there is one could you pray to Him for me please."

That was 5/6/2003 the day after Zoe's birthday. 

I have reflected since that had my reply been any different I would have missed out on what transpired to be one of the most incredible and inspiring journeys I had ever taken. I replied...

"That's awful I"m so sorry - Yes of course...would you like me to come up to Oxford and pray with you?"